Anjasmoro Maroef' peer review for Yi-Hsuan Thesis draft

1. The need to establish a good transportation museum in Taipei to give better understanding about public mass transportation to the people of Taipei.

2. The reasons of this essay thesis statement are not really effective because there are too many arguments in one paragraph.

3. The reason in the beginning of this essay is effective to give the reader sense about the whole paper. However there are too many reasons in one paragraph to support the introductory paragraph. If just the writer could be more focus and more elaborate on one topic, it will make a great argument.
4. a. yes
b. no
c. yes
d.yes
e.yes

5. “If people can use subways and buses more than individual cars, they can use fewer diesels and save more natural resources from the earth.”


6. The part that felt effective for me is when the writer gives the examples of how a transportation museum could be appealing. And by giving a comparison between the NYC transit museum and the Osaka transportation museum. It gives a better idea of how a transportation museum could be build. Also the positive tone of the writer

7. on the introductory paragraph I felt that there are too many issues been brought, so that the reader could loose attention to the main issues.

8. What kind of lesson did the writer get from the comparison between two museums? What is her strategy for the Taipei mass rapid transit museum?
What is her suggestion to improve the two existing museum?

9. Find another opening sentence as a hook. The writer’s sentence hook seems a bit too extreme for me. Don’t give too much statement in the beginning because it could distract the reader to your main point. Try to be more elaborate on your specific issues; it will be more interesting to read the writers idea than to distract by her supporting idea.

10. I could not found any conclusion or ending paragraph in this essay.
The last paragraph is about the second study case of the transportation museum.